Recognising harmful sexual behaviour by young people

Recognising harmful sexual behaviour by young people

It's important to be able to recognise when a young person's sexual behaviour may be harmful to others. Dr Elly Hanson, Clinical Psychologist and adviser to CEOP Education, outlines the warning signs.

Parents text content

What kinds of sexual behaviour are a problem?

You might be worried that your child, or another young person, is doing sexual things that are wrong or hurting someone.

It can sometimes be hard to know if this is the case, or if their behaviour is a normal part of teenage development that you don’t need to be worried about. 

The questions below are here to help – if the answer is ‘yes’ to any of them, you should have some concern and find out more about what is going on:

  • Are they more able than the person they’ve been sexual with to get things they want, or to stop things they don’t? – for example, because they’re significantly older, more sober, or more dominating?

  • Are they not taking seriously or listening to the other person’s feelings?

  • Does it seem like there is a lack of equality or mutual interest?

  • Are they doing any of the following things, possibly to get the other person to do something sexual with them:
    • lying or tricking, including hiding their intentions?
    • threatening, forcing or intimidating?
    • making them feel guilty or indebted (i.e. using emotional pressure)?
    • making it harder for the other person to spend time with people they’re close to (i.e. isolating them)?
  • Did one or both people feel bad during the sexual activity? – for example, angry, upset, ashamed or scared?

  • Are they treating the other person like a ‘sex object’ – i.e. valuing them primarily for their physical sexual appeal?

Consider whether their behaviour fits with the basic principles of healthy sexual behaviour.

Here are some examples of harmful sexual behaviour in teens (they would also each be a ‘yes’ to one or more of the questions above):

  • Sharing sexual pictures of someone without their consent

  • Using AI (e.g. nudify or kissing apps) to create nude or sexual images of someone without their consent

  • Sharing sexual pictures of themselves without the person they’re sending it to being clear that they would like to see them

  • Pretending to love or like someone so they agree to sexual activity

  • Viewing sexual images of children online

  • Being sexual with someone who is significantly more drunk than themselves

  • Befriending a younger child in order to do something sexual and asking them not to tell

  • Having sexual activity with someone who passively ‘lets’ it happen

  • Making sexual comments to someone or touching their bottom, breasts or genitals without clear indications that they want that.

  • Rating people (for example, marks out of ten) on their physical attractiveness

Some of these behaviours are more serious than others, but they are all harmful.

Parents text content

Why might a young person behave like this?

In society there are a lot of messages about sex and gender which invite people to act in sexually harmful ways. For example, there can be pressures on teenage boys to be sexual, encouraging them to harass girls, and pornography often promotes the idea that girls and women enjoy sexual aggression or manipulation. Also online, girls and women are often objectified (i.e. valued on the basis of how they look), and this undermines people’s ability to see them as fully human.

Young people may be more vulnerable to negative ideas because of their life stage. During the teenage years, young people are more concerned with their image and reputation in the eyes of their peers, and will go further to fit in with what they believe their peers think than at other times in their life.

Many other things can also add to the risk of harmful sexual behaviour, including:

  • Alcohol or drug use

  • Witnessing or being the target of aggression (sexual, physical or psychological) at home, at school, or in the community

  • Limited skills or opportunities for mutual and consensual peer sexual activity

  • A lack of knowledge about sexual ethics and boundaries

  • Lots of negative feeling with few skills or options for dealing with it

  • The behaviour being met with positive and/or little or no negative consequences (for example, adults turn a blind eye and peers offer respect)

Naturally every situation is different, and in most a combination of things is playing a part.

If we understand the factors playing into a young person’s behaviour, we can more effectively address them, and in doing so, help the young person to stop.

This should be done whilst recognising the part that the young person’s personal responsibility played.

Remember, there are situations in which a young person is not truly responsible for their sexual behaviour because they are being controlled, pressured or intimidated – the advice in this article is not relevant to these circumstances.